So, last night I had a fight with my mom. It's not a very ordinary fight, because we get over ordinary ones in a night after sleeping on it. My brother did HORRIBLE in 6th grade so he was sent to my aunt's and uncle's for summer school, like I mentioned before. He hated it there and so he came home for a week, and it was up to me to help him with his homework from summer school.
It was my first day on the job, and I was already getting impatient after just 2 hours. It seemed like I had to repeat everything to him at least 10 times!!! I don't know if I've said anything like this before, but I'm one who cares a lot about her future. Future college, future career, future husband, etc. In order to achieve all that, the first step is obtaining education, and most Asians in my school have that plus supplementary weekly cram school to get them ahead and make whatever we're learning next a lot easier and less time-consuming for them. I've always wanted to do those, but they're too much money :( It costs around $1,000 for one class for one season...but most Asians take year round cram school having at least 3 different subjects-math, science, English, and the occasional SAT or tutor or state testing prep. They also have private lessons for whatever instruments they're seeking to excel in in the future, plus some of them have sports. I have...1/2 of everything. I took summer cram school 2 years ago to prepare for Bergen County Academy admissions, which was 3 classes, but ended up not even getting the interview T_T. The following summer, I took one class for English because I was in English Honors and had confidence that I wouldn't need math and science prep (besides, my parents would only let me pick one.)
I had one full year of private 45-minute violin lessons a week, then stopped last September. :( I suck in my school orchestra, and even considered quitting, because it was such a waste of my time...how am I going to get good enough for colleges to notice me by playing for some high school orchestra? Most people had private lessons since...well, since very young, maybe 6 or 7. So as you can see, I'm very jealous of all those people. Because I'm the smarter one, I'm forced to teach my younger brother when I myself am behind in my honors classes. During freshman year, I was in all honors for all 4 regular classes, but did horrible in math and science, the ones I DIDN'T take cram school (I got B-'s for my final grades in both subjects) and was kicked out of honors for sophomore year. So right now, I have only 3 honors (Spanish 3 honors, but there was no Spanish 2 honors in freshman year.)
My parents blame it on me procrastinating and getting sidetracked all the time. I admit it did happen quite often, but who doesn't get sidetracked learning about formulas for geometry and about cells in biology?!!! I know this sounds like a rant, but what happened was my mom then promised that starting September I would take cram school for all the subjects (I guess NOW they regret their stupid decision of not letting me get ahead!) Plus a 2-on-1 tutor for chemistry, even though I'll be in CP next year.
Plus, I'll be having private violin lessons as well. But then we get into this dumb stupid argument because I refused to tutor my brother any more after 2 hours (it was 10 o' clock, for god's sake!) and got yelled at and punished. My mom (she always says this though) said that from now on she wasn't paying for a single thing of mine anymore because of my selfish and pissy attitude. I wasn't getting private lessons or cram school starting September, and she took away my contact lenses.
Because of this, we both (or maybe only me?) forget that July 28 is her birthday. I only realize it today after a whole day of ignoring whatever she said to me, after my dad and my brother went out to buy a birthday cake and put it in the fridge. I feel guilty for forgetting, but so much stuff was on my mind. Like, how was I supposed to get into a good college (I'm aiming for a PharmD from somewhere like Rutgers, which is impossible, or St. John's) with parents that don't even care whether or not you have C's, and all these freaking competitive Asian kids at my high school?! Rank matters, and right now my rank ain't too pretty...nor is my 3.4 GPA, WEIGHTED, too pretty either. I know I still have 3 years to bring it up, but Sr. year really doesn't count, so I actually have only 2 years to bring up my stinky GPA. How am I going to be a pharmacist and support a family in the future?!
I'm always like this-stressed-but that's my nature, something I can't change. Asian parents and smart Asian friends kind of make you go a little crazy about your grades...
So now what do I do? I'm supposed to be ignoring my mom, but to ignore her on her birthday??? And I don't even have a birthday gift...I totally forgot about it on my last trip to the mall, which was Thursday...I wonder if she was expecting something???
AAHH, now my head hurts...I hate all this..my life just has to suck! High expectations from everyone (I've always been praised for my good grades by family friends/relatives, for being the oldest cousin and smartest...but not anymore!) Even my going-into-4th-grade 9-year-old cousin has summer school 6 hours a day, plus her abacus brain study and her expensive piano teacher...she has to practice an hour a day so she's really good...plus they put her into swimming just because I used to do it for 5 years...I also used to do piano, too...and she's also taking the violin...urghhh my life...as a daughter...SUCKS right now....but enough complaining, I'm going to bed and figuring this whole mess of a life out tomorrow, after a nice breakfast!!!
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